I wrote this just slightly over a week ago :P
So January 15th The man with whom I’d grown such a bond with and longed to be married to and with whom we’d spoken about being married together, proposed to me, in the naturally suave way of his. After much tearful blubbering on my part, I said yes. And we shot off from there in preperation for our wedding. We planned to be wed in only a few short months, after all, why wait? I know he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and he wants the same. That plus, he’s planning on leaving to a different state this next semester to continue his pursuit in getting the degree for his future career. So it would be foolish for me to stay here while he is away for some years. And the sooner we got together the sooner we could get into the swing of things and not be shocked all at once with the many, many, many changes we’d have to face and conquer together. So here I am. Supposedly most of the planning is taken care of and my Beau and I are taking a pre-marital counseling from the teaching of my ol’ youth pastor. The first meeting we went to surrounded mostly around love. The definition, the importance of, and how we know we love the person we wanted to become our spouse, and the reasons behind us wanting to be married to one another, etc., etc. Here are some of my musings on the matter, most of which I already thought this way. But it got my mind a thinking on them again and so I thought I’d share them with you.
~LOVE~
Love is a feeling yes, and I admit right now that I’m in this feeling right now. The fluttery feeling you get in your chest when he comes around or looks at you that makes you feel out of breath. And the deep thrumming of your heart where you feel you could explode with happiness and affection toward somebody, just by thinking about them. that you’d be willing to do anything for them to make them happy and satisfied. But beware if your love for somebody is only the feelings that you feel about your somebody, that’s just attraction and caring for them (which is important mind you) but it’s a shallow thing to base a relationship on because we’re all human and our emotions are like a roller coaster. One minute you feel you love somebody and would do anything for them, the next you hate their guts and want to throw something in their face. I‘ve yet to feel so negative toward him… the point I’m trying to get across is that a relationship like that can’t just be based on your feelings for somebody.
It’s also a decision. There has to be deep friendship with them, a comfortable ability to be accepted for yourself in who you are. Otherwise why would you live with somebody you don’t know and/or you have a mask on around them? Keep in mind I’m jumping ahead of myself here when I say live “together”, I’m talking about when you get married to said person, I do not in any way approve of living together or “doing anything” before marriage, I think it’s stupid people think they have to test each other before they commit. All this to say, there has to be a commitment to that person that even on those days you (as I said) “hate their guts”, you will stick to them and not ride away because your feelings have jumped tracks. You know you like him/her, you want to give your life to be with him/her, so it is a commitment as well as a feeling otherwise it’ll fall apart like most marriages today. Because those marriages ride solely on attraction and the fulfillment they get off one another.
So there is
1.attraction to the person,
2.Love for the person and
3.there must be commitment to the relationship.
“Why,” you ask, “do so many Americans divorce or cheat on each other today?”, I believe it’s because when you feel discontent with your life with the person and forget your commitment to the person and stat focusing on yourself and the 50/50 theory. Your focusing on what you get and not what you give and you start to think what did I get myself into, the devil sneaks in to make you think that you settled down too fast with the wrong person because there were so many other guys out there that you could’ve been with. That this one just wasn’t “The perfect One”. When that happens it’s important to note that your being a selfish brat and you made a commitment. This is a commitment to give yourself to them, to please them, love them, provide for them, grow with them, to Live LIFE with them for the Rest of your Days on earth. It’s not simply a commitment to live your life in their company and accept their love and affection. You must give give-give-give to receive. Otherwise both sides are waiting to get and nobody is giving, and so nobody is getting, which is why the 50/50 theory doesn’t work. I can’t go halfway toward trying to make our relationship work and expect my guy to go halfway, when we may have different ideas of what halfway is. If you just wait for the other spouse to go what you think is halfway and you stop where you think your halfway is, your spouse will not be able to meet your expectations because 1.they’re human and 2they have their own view of halfway which isn‘t yours. Nobody will ever meet in the middle if you don’t push yourself all the way to please and love your spouse. You love them, so show them, with as much as possible, as often as possible, because to do otherwise is childish. It’s like drawing a line across the room and saying, “This is as close as I’m willing to get to you on that side of the room. This is my fair share of the walking work to get closer to you, now you come the rest of the way.” And little do you know your spouse has their own view of halfway. You must cross your preconceived notion of “halfway” to keep things going smoothly. This is my take on the matter anyway, but then again I’m not married yet. :P
Now let me backtrack a bit since I kind of got on a rampage ahead of myself. All that in the above paragraph is for the people who have already found the guy/girl you want to spend the rest of your life with (like me) and have gotten married(not yet like me :D). what I’m about to say to you dear readers hasn’t much to do with you married people, I don‘t think. This is for those people still searching.
Now let me tell you something important and difficult to distinguish in, Every person you notice and think, “hey they could be the one for me, their a Christian, they’re cute, and seem nice” doesn’t mean they’re the one for you, let me stress this because you can come across many guys that fit that criteria ok? Don’t jump on the chance to become “better aquainted” with them, that can get you into trouble, you could be perceived as a jumper, a flippant fling addict, and a player. Which in turn can scar your rep and cause people to gossip about you. maybe that doesn’t seem like a big deal after all who cares what other people think, which is true in many cases in life, you shouldn‘t live your life to please others. But this is an example of an instance that it’d be important to keep your reputation intact. Because you could potentially become a stumbling block and blur other’s vision in what is right and wrong, and because it would keep people from thinking well of you. So you ask, “But if I don’t try to make that sort of relationship with other people of the opposite sex, how do I know when they’re the right one?!” very good question and it’s hard to answer. I was never one who made a list of “he must have’s like a glorious smile and long wavy locks sitting on the back of a white stallion… haha. although I suppose there were some things that I realized I needed like humor, adventure and encouragement to be better. That said some people do make a list of requirements, which is probably just fine but remember you want a human not a computer program and nobody is perfect. If your somebody who’s looking for someone exactly like you and you’ll agree all the time about everything…that’s kinda creepy. As I said we’re all human and all different. We look at thinks and think of things and do things differently. That doesn’t mean you incompatible, in fact I think it’d be good if you don’t do everything the same but don’t hold it against them. Accept the difference and over time through conversing over serious matter of difference, adjusting, and just accepting those differences while living life you meld into one being. Although that being said on differences, similarities are important too, It’s not good to be total opposites either, else you don’t understand each other at all. This falls into the “being accepted for who you are so you can be yourself” category.
Now the most important similarity to have, I should’ve mentioned first before everything else(but my thoughts seem to be a scattered about) is your Relationship with God. It’s extremely, extremely important that your belief and faith and dedication to growth in God are the same and I know this sounds “well, duh!” but in this world I’ll say it anyway… that the God of the one you’ve got googoo eyes for is the same God that you follow.
Okay, really long laying down of my thoughts so let me wrap up:
1. not every guy you think is cute, nice and christian is the one for you
2. It’s important that your opinions and views on important things are the same [such as God and where you see life going (kids, living where, etc.)] even if little non-consequential things aren’t [such as coke or pepsi, summer or winter, bicycle or motorcycle].
3. Three important things that you need to make a relationship to work well is Attraction, Love, and Commitment.
4. God must be adored and be the core around which your life revolves. Before anything in the universe, and before any human being. Before your guy, your kids, your family, your friends, your life.
